the inner-workings of the not so genius mind...

A previously unpublished blog...

2011-12-12T21:46:00.001-07:00

Ha ha ha so... I found this when I was going through things to study for finals and I realized I never posted it... It made me realize how clever and witty I can be. And it made me think about a sad time in my life and LAUGH. We all need that every now and again... and it means we've moved on. It's amazing what a little time and space will do. So here you guys go... a blog from a couple years

It's that time of year

2011-10-13T21:45:00.003-06:00

I don't know what it is about this time of year.... Colder weather brings memories of holding someone close. Wind blowing reminds single people of being intertwined in the arms of a former lover, and it's when the wind blows and the temperature drops that people start to remember. Their hearts get lonely. They see the colors of the leaves changing, and they think of me... weather it is because

I'll jump, I swear!

2011-08-11T22:14:00.003-06:00

So... Here's the thing. I'm falling. Hard and fast. And this is the part where I usually realize that there is a big huge rock in the murky water that I have decided to plummet towards, head first. I have hit this rock many times before, even though I keep trying to dive into different areas of this supposedly bottomless lake, I keep hitting the same damn sharp jagged rock. It's painful.

Breathing...

2011-05-31T15:03:00.002-06:00

I had a moment. It was just what I needed, and it didn't last very long, but it didn't need to. It was one of those moments that you see in the movies, where someone is alone and they realize something - the music swells and you can see the light bulb turn on above their heads.I literally had one of those moments.Except there was no actual light bulb.Let me paint the picture for you.April 2,

New things a happenin'

2011-05-24T22:47:00.003-06:00

Since things ended with the Army man (really, thinking about it doesn't make me cry anymore... I may possibly even be better off. I mean really? I can't even have a movie style twirly hug with the man without getting charged by a ram. Must have been some foreshadowing for our relationship... ah hem... *trails off.....*)Anyway... Since things ended with army man, there was pilot man. Pilot man

It's been a while...

2011-05-23T22:24:00.003-06:00

But the story continues.Spoiler alert! It didn't work out. I didn't move to Oregon or Washington. He ended up not being the love of my life, and we didn't live happily ever after. But that is life.Even though it didn't end in "Happily ever after" the story is still something that shaped me. And it was still a wonderful relationship, while it lasted. It ripped out my heart and gave me hope

The birthday weekend!!

2011-02-27T11:59:00.003-07:00

To say that my birthday weekend was epic would be an understatement. Legendary? May not even begin to describe it. Epically legendary? Possible.I don't think I can recall every little detail that happened, but it all lead up to making some pretty amazing memories. It made me home sick. It all made me want to go to my apartment, pack up my things, and turn right back around and live in

something about a white picket fence...

2011-01-09T11:32:00.004-07:00

For those of you who really know me, I am not a picket fence person.I am making that very clear. I think they are hideous in a "Stepford wife" sort of way. I never want to be that wife... The wife that wears heels while she's baking a pie for her husband, waiting by the door with his slippers and pipe in hand. I am not a 50s sitcom wife. My life is not a black and white movie. I do not want

the most wonderful time of the year

2010-12-21T11:45:00.002-07:00

YAY! Christmas time! There is snow outside. It's freezing cold. Winter freaking wonderland!Um... Update. I'm sick. Again. So my head is super foggy. I ask you forgiveness as I attempt to post more than once every couple months. But I have time to do it now. Kind of. So, I was sick for about three weeks (starting the new job and ending the old one very very very stuffy) and I got better

A little more about McArmy

2010-12-12T09:56:00.003-07:00

I obviously don't want to give too much away. I don't want to jinx it. I don't want to wake up and realize that it's all just a dream or another Nicholas Sparks book/movie.I'm pretty sure he does exist. I mean, I have met him a few times over the years. He's the childhood friend of my childhood friend's husband. And he makes my heart melt.We already know we're done for and we haven't even

She CAN speak whale!!

2010-12-05T09:58:00.002-07:00

Tegan has recently been obsessed with watching Finding Nemo. Over. And over. And over. And over. Sometimes we can switch it up and watch another movie here and there, but she seems to be just as obsessed with the ocean as I am. And I love this child.Anyway, she was rolling around and playing on the ground... jumping (which is another recent obsession) and playing with her blocks. I had

'tis the season...

2010-12-03T20:31:00.002-07:00

Well hello again!It's been a long time... and a lot has changed and happened. And I need to blog more often to avoid using that phrase at the beginning of each post.For starters, I don't work at the hospital anymore! It's totally bitter sweet. I'm not really sure what I'll do without that place, and to be perfectly honest the thought terrifies me. I am really going to miss all the people

It's been a while...

2010-10-21T22:17:00.000-06:00

I wish I could recap all the things that have happened since my last post, but life moves so fast sometimes and things get missed...School is awesome. I'm loving my students that I work with about once a week. It makes me really want to do teaching... but massage therapy is in the back of my mind. I don't know if it's the stone therapy, essential oils, or fancy lotions that draw me in.... But

I < 3 Oregon

2010-08-11T20:48:00.000-06:00

I got home from home today. It was so insanely difficult to leave, but my nonrefundable ticket kind of made me decide that I needed to come back.I can't begin to express how much I miss it over there... When I put the stroller back in the car, sand spilled out everywhere. It didn't upset me. It made me homesick, and I hadn't even been off Oregon soil for 3 hours.Cannon beach was amazing! The

going back in time...

2010-08-08T23:04:00.002-06:00

This is a post I found from two years ago this month... The first post on this blog.Enjoy.... here i am... It's been a long time since I have felt free enough to start putting my thoughts down into an actual visual format. And man, writing that first sentence felt amazing.Here I am. Back in Utah. And I think about my life up to this point, and can't believe what got me here. I have

Home is where your heart is....

2010-08-08T22:05:00.003-06:00

For those of you who don't know me very well, I haven't lived in Utah all my life. In fact, about half of the years I have spent on this planet have been in Utah, and the other half was spent where my heart always has been. The west coast.Oregon.That is where I sit at this current moment. I feel... Nostalgia. An overwhelming calm. I can't get over how much I love this place... Everything

Love or insanity?

2010-08-02T14:32:00.002-06:00

I had a patient yesterday that made my day hell. I got behind on everything, because over three hours of my day were spent trying to calm her down... Walking with her in the hallways, talking to her in her room, trying to talk to her husband... It was a bad day. She definitely was not herself. I had taken care of said woman a day before, and while I knew she wasn't really with it, she was

Skin Deep...

2010-07-30T16:51:00.004-06:00

Since I started using that magic soap, which is working wonderfully by the way, I realized that there were a lot of makeup products I don't use half as often as I thought. I took a good look at them today... I'm talking, a very good look... A lot of them had a layer of dust on them because I haven't used them in so long. Gross, I know. But I realized all the different chemicals I was putting in

obsessions of an 18 month old...

2010-07-30T13:50:00.002-06:00

Tegan had definitely developed her own personality... and some interesting habits and obsessions. Here is the first of what I'm sure will be a very long list...Pooh Bear stuffed animalMonkey BlanketOne bottle in particulardancingAny kind of music she can dance tochocolateanything mom is eatingcrayons (for eating and coloring...)cell phones - usually used for calling and texting imaginary friends

Call me a hippie.

2010-07-27T13:14:00.005-06:00

Ha ha ha ha.No really.I found this amazing soap... actually, I've had it for a while. Since my baby shower. My amazing sister, Chan, gave it to me for one of my shower gifts, and at first I was like, okay whatever... Soap for baby.No. This soap is for EVERYTHING. Shower, cleaning, dishes, laundry, BRUSHING YOUR TEETH! The bottle even claims 18 uses, and people have reported more. One

More feelings and thoughts and whatever...

2010-07-26T22:09:00.003-06:00

I keep getting this feeling all day... It's weird. I think I've explained this feeling, and I'm hoping it's not a medical condition... If it is, please don't give me drugs for it because I actually kind of like it.Let me set the stage. There is a song, Use Somebody by the Kings of Leon. Ever since I first heard this song, I knew that when I found that someone, my internal iPod would shuffle to

Words of Wisdom from the Wife...

2010-07-14T10:09:00.002-06:00

We are all full of dialogue, inner monologue that fills up our brains and infects our space. We drift along in the space time continuum warp known as our brains, prisoners to the very barriers we ourselves erect. We concern ourselves with thinking about farcical things that could be, should be, would be; and than we erect those fallacies and spew them as truth. An undying loyalty can go so

Have you met Ralph?

2010-07-11T13:27:00.002-06:00

I have a plant. His name is Ralph.And yes, I do name random things. Back to the plant. His name is Ralph. Actually, his full name is "Love Ralph" and he has a story.Once upon a time, about five years ago, Brown Boot went off to Georgia to stay with his mom for a couple weeks. I picked him up from the airport and had this plant waiting for him. It was kind of an inside joke. All plants at

just a tiny freak out

2010-07-07T14:51:00.002-06:00

There is something I could say here... But I'm not going to say it. I wish I could scream it at the top of my lungs from the tippy top of a very high mountain so the whole world could hear! But I don't want to wake up the poor children in China. And climbing to the top of a very high mountain would be a lot of work... and it's very very hot outside.That, and I'm terrified that someone would

I've got a feeling...

2010-06-21T20:52:00.002-06:00

I'm not saying I'm psychic by any means... whatsoever. But there are moments. Moments when I feel something. I meet people and I get an instant read on them. Kind of like the "Lemon Law" as described in How I Met Your Mother. Within five minutes, I get feelings from people.I meet them, and I can sense something. It can be with friends, or guys on dates... guys my friends are dating. It has

Rain, rain... please stay?

2010-06-13T17:31:00.003-06:00

It has been pretty glum the past couple days. And I LOVE IT.You heard me. I'll say it again too. I FREAKING LOVE THE RAIN.I have heard it on my window, and loved it. I have stepped outside to feel it on my face and I loved it. I even took Tegan outside just to let her run around in it and splash in the puddles. And I loved it! She did too. She almost didn't want to come inside.It reminds

My Disney Princess

2010-06-12T16:27:00.002-06:00

Yes. Lame title. Shut up.Let me explain something to you.Everyone has their favorite Disney Princess. They really do. Any child or adult that grew up with Disney influence with Disney culture, or even went to school where other kids were carrying around backpacks with Disney characters on them.... Bla bla bla, let's just face it. Disney crap is everywhere. And every girl wants to be a

Summer nights....

2010-06-07T22:05:00.002-06:00

I forgot how much I loved summer time... I know technically it isn't here yet, and spring/summer weather in Utah is kind of bipolar... like snow in May? Psh.But days when it is so nice a beautiful outside, followed by a beautiful clear and warm night... *sigh*I've missed those nights. I've missed the days where I could be lazy. I have such fond memories of laying in a hammock in someone's

Preparing a care package...

2010-05-24T09:47:00.002-06:00

Dear Mother Nature,On behalf of the people of Northern Utah, my friends and I have taken the opportunity to put together a little care package for you... Enclosed is a case of Midol, some super jumbo peri pads, and a flat of tampons. Clearly you need to get your PMS under control... I highly recommend getting on some form of birth control, like an IUD or the NuvaRing. I can recommend a very

2010-05-22T19:35:00.002-06:00

I get home from work early, and you know what I do? Start my five loads of laundry. Yes. Five of them. 1.2.3.4.5. FIVE.Almost done... But folding is the worst part. If I don't keep going with it all at once, it won't get done and it will all just sit in the baskets and get all gross and wrinkled. But in good time, it will be finished.... It's a massive pile though... and it sucked to carry

If you love them... Let them know.

2010-05-20T21:05:00.002-06:00

Working in a hospital is dangerous. It's scary. We face death almost everyday... Usually it's not the staff dying, but someone, somewhere is. Code blue's are called in the hospital, and it doesn't really have much of an affect unless you're on that floor or on the code team.But it happens. You don't always know when. You don't always know where.I'm currently watching an episode of Grey's

relationships need subtitles

2010-05-17T20:46:00.002-06:00

Seriously.I'm going to be single for the rest of my life. I'm okay with it. Kinda. I mean, I would like to get married one day. I dream of the wedding with the church and the dress and the handsome man at the end of the aisle. And the flowers. And the cheese cake. And the cute house with the BBQ and the man that knows how to work the BBQ and actually make delicious food. I can see it all

Summer is... the smell of grass clippings.

2010-05-15T09:45:00.002-06:00

I will proudly admit that I am a huge fan of freshly cut grass. It smells so good to me! The other day, the landscapers cut the grass and it rained soon afterward. The smell filled the air, and there was a little bit of sunshine. I rolled down my car windows and took a deep breath... It felt like home. I felt peace. And I smiled.Mother Nature still seems to be a bit bipolar as of late... It

only time will tell...

2010-04-19T21:20:00.004-06:00

So....I've been in this weird place, and I've been trying to figure it out. A very mild dark and twisty place. I'm not extremely depressed. Just randomly sad. And thinking about it makes me mad because I want to know what it is.I'm okay with where I'm at right now. School. Work. Baby. Where I live. But something is missing. A relationship?I'm finally at that place where I know I don't

we all need a moment. to scream.

2010-04-08T21:41:00.004-06:00

I kind of wish I got pictures of it...Seriously.She was running around the apartment, picking up things just to throw them. Screaming just to scream.I let her let it out.She kept picking up her blanket just to throw it down as hard as she could. She pulled things off the shelf, because she could.And she screamed for 45 minutes.I tried to hold her, tried to snuggle her and calm her down. But,

springing forward...

2010-04-04T16:53:00.005-06:00

Ahhhh.... blogger. How I've missed you!I really need to get better at posting, and I know I say that, like... Every time I post. But I mean it! Therapy. Breathing. My fingers going on keys a million miles an hour... Getting thoughts out of my head and down somewhere where my mind may remember looking one day... It's good for you, really. Seriously.So... Living in my new apartment has been

bla bla bla bla...

2010-03-16T22:39:00.002-06:00

It's been a while since I've written... And I need to get some of the cobwebs dusted out of my head before I try to go to sleep. There have been some pretty crazy vivid dreams running through my head, and at some point I'll go into more detail with those, but I'm not ready to yet.Life has been insanely enjoyable. I had an opportunity to make the acquaintance of a wonderful man, but the

Photoshoot with Tegan

2010-02-01T10:17:00.000-07:00

My friend Chelsea has done an amazing job with photography, and she's getting back into it again... Here's her site, and Tegan had her first photoshoot with her the other day!www.crowcandyphotography.blogspot.com

something about ghosts.

2010-02-01T08:45:00.002-07:00

You know where I am right now? Class. That's right. I finally got back into school, and I haven't been very good with posting.... You know why? Studying.That, and guess what else?I moved! I got my very own place up on campus like a real college student! Look at me, moving forward and getting on with my life. Or something.So supet stoaked.Thing have been beyond crazy. I constantly feel

deep breaths and big steps

2010-01-06T23:24:00.004-07:00

Ah, the little booger is sick. It's been a rough couple of days. She's had a pretty good fever almost constantly, and last night it spiked at about 103. She's never had one that high. And after two trips to the doctor and having her throw up all over my bed, they said to just ride it out and that she would be fine.She finally slept for a couple hours, and had a fun time keeping me up last

So this is the New Year?

2010-01-02T22:59:00.005-07:00

I'm liking the New Year so far! Yeah, it's only day two... But we need to start off positive. Right? Right.Look at me? Posting a blog within a week of the last one! I'm amazingly amazing. Go 2010!Did you say that, "two thousand ten" or "twenty ten"? Like it matters. Potato, potahto.I've been so great at taking a little me time every night before I go to bed. It has really helped a lot.

It's Me O'Clock!

2009-12-28T21:15:00.003-07:00

So.... I've decided to start a new thing.I'm going to have a night time routine! Oh the wonders that could come from having a routine that one does every night! A complete regimen for beauty and personal mind/body health!I'm kinda excited about it. Not gonna lie. Super stoaked!I have had some issues with keeping up to date with the bliggity blog, and need to get better at taking some "me"

when a shadow of a doubt turns into a world of darkness...

2009-12-12T21:45:00.002-07:00

It's been a while, yet again. And it seems like it's been years since I've posted. But a lot has happened. Again. Holy goodness, I have GOT TO get better at freakin' posting. That's right, I said freakin'. With no "g".Sooooo...... Work is awesome. I love my job. I've lost some hours because Tegan got her first ear infection, but she's getting better. And she loves her day care! It's

An Elephant Never Forgets...

2009-11-07T21:15:00.005-07:00

Yesterday was Tegan's first trip to the zoo!I got lots of pictures on my camera, and the boy got some on his too... BUT.... I still don't have the cable to connect my camera to my computer. Which is uber lame. I know it's around here somewhere... Or I'll have to get another one. At the very least, pictures will be developed, and scrapbooking will be involved. I even saved the bag from buying

a breath of fresh air...

2009-11-05T21:37:00.006-07:00

It was beautiful today.So beautiful, that if there were green leaves on the trees, birds would have been chirping. There was no need for a sweatshirt. The sun was bright and shiny, like suns are supposed to be. And the air smelled like dead leaves.It was delicious. Scrumptious if you will.So delicious that we decided to take Tegan for her first official hike."We" as in the Boy and I. The one

i feel like spring, but mother nature says it's fall

2009-11-04T21:35:00.002-07:00

Okay...I've done it again...There's another scuff on my shoe.No, not another actual scuff on my Kirkland Signature boots that I've pulled out again and am wearing constantly now that the leaves have turned and the weather has gone cold... No, not a real scuff. Because there's a lot on those already, and it would be impossible to tell if there was a new one on there.I may or may not have tripped

taking another vacation to dark and twisty land...

2009-10-17T11:01:00.004-06:00

I get in these funks where nothing seems to make any sense... I deep depression. Which is a big deal, because I usually can find the positive in everything. Someone will tell me their sob story, and I seem to find something positive about it. I twist it so that they can see the bright side. And even though I can easily find the bright side in my own situation, it feels like the past few days

another jump in the right direction...

2009-09-14T22:42:00.003-06:00

ACCEPTED! Do you like Erwin's new tattoos?That's right. I got into the U. I think everyone knew that it was going to happen anyway, but getting that letter in the mail was still very exciting. And I couldn't have done it without my person. She paid my application fee. I kept talking about school, and she kept saying do it already, and I said, I don't have the money. And she said, screw that

Code Blue....

2009-09-10T21:40:00.002-06:00

Let me start by saying that I'm happy with the national recognition that the company I work for got in the presidential address. I may have only worked there a year this next month, but I really can tell that it's a brilliant company and that their standards are set high. Sure, everyone has their bad experiences everywhere.... and there are those people that are the exception to the rule.

sickness is not fun...ness? whatever.

2009-09-08T23:02:00.002-06:00

My poor little Tegan has been really sick today. I took her to the doctor and they said that it was just a cold and some Tylenol should do, but just in case they gave me some medicine... And I ended up needing it.As I type, I can hear her in the other room, sobbing in her sleep. I feel so terrible! Nothing I could do would calm her down. And finally she fell asleep and was totally relaxed

messes are okay when you're a baby

2009-09-07T22:12:00.003-06:00

So here's how the night went...I had been taking a lazy day, trying to get a good nap in before I would get ready to meet this guy that my friend wanted me to meet. Tegan and I were snuggling in the big comfy chair watching a Ghost Hunters episode that I had on my DVR, and my mom called to invite me to a movie that was starting... oh... fifteen minutes later.Thanks for the "ready... set...."

what's lost is... well... lost.

2009-09-06T22:08:00.008-06:00

So I've been working on my Florida blog, and in doing so, I've been going through pictures in my computer so I can show faces and places with everything... And I realized something.There used to be a folder on my desktop, titled "awesome pictures" and its gone. I don't know why I didn't notice it before, but it's vanished. I don't remember deleting it. I don't have any idea what happened to it

Mad for Mad Men

2009-08-29T23:30:00.001-06:00

he still wears those brown boots....

2009-08-29T21:47:00.007-06:00

I totally had you sitting on the edge of your seat, didn't I? I just know your eyes were glazed over in shock when I wrote my last post and just left with another classic cliffhanger. I should have my own TV show. I could make it entertaining.... A combination of Scrubs, Grey's, and hell, let's throw in some Gilmore Girls and SATC. Why not?Okay... How do I know he wears the same brown boots?

something about ducks in a row...

2009-08-28T22:27:00.007-06:00

Phew!I haven't turned on my personal computer since I unpacked my things from Oregon. How long ago was that? About two months ago. Seriously? How on earth did I do that? There once was a point where I wouldn't go a day with out opening my antique of an iBook, and I realized that I actually had to look for my computer. I didn't know where it was... Seriously? Seriously. That has got to

for sale.... as is.

2009-08-19T22:09:00.000-06:00

If I were to write the introduction that Carrie is usually seen typing on her Mac in the first scene of many Sex and the City episodes, it may read a little something like this.... I've been thinking of what my personal ad would say, should I write one. I'm not by any means saying that I'm going to put one out there, or that I've considered signing up for a dating website, because that's just

I've hit Refresh and I like the results....

2009-08-11T10:15:00.005-06:00

A whole new world of possibilities has opened its doors for me! That sounds uber cheesy, I know, but in a way it's true. Let's catch you up, because I keep saying I need to get better with posting and I'm still working on it... A new computer may help. But that takes money. We'll see....Okie day! Job update!I had my last day in housekeeping on Sunday. Super sad, I know I know... how will

inch by inch... mile by mile...

2009-07-23T08:05:00.005-06:00

I need to get better at posting... How long have I been saying that? No matter how many times I say it, it's true.The wedding was beautiful! And yes, I'm just now talking about the wedding that was well over a week ago. It was an outdoor wedding with a BBQ reception. The dress? Georgeous. The ceremony? I cried. The whole thing? Magic. The entire time I was standing up at the alter, I

from rose stems beauty grows...

2009-07-13T11:59:00.003-06:00

Oregon was amazing... It was so fun to get out there and to see friends from the past. A lot happened... But it's all a blur! We already talked about the coast and the aquarium... Let me tell you what else happened....Wednesday, I ran around with Chelsea, bride to be, and we did a couple wedding things. She came over to the hotel, and we picked out shoes and I showed her pictures... Then we

Blessings and car rides.....

2009-07-08T11:17:00.005-06:00

It's cold. The second week in July, and I have to wear a sweatshirt.... I must be in Oregon! Home sweet home.... This is where I spent my early years, chasing after ice cream trucks, and playing in the river. I spent a lot of time in the library, and picking strawberries in by the creek at my friend's old house. Driving around town made me think about a lot of random memories that I hadn't

And So It Goes...

2009-07-02T19:20:00.003-06:00

A lot has happened since I last posted. Well.... A lot and a little, I guess you could say. But that's life.Celebrities died. Multiple big names... But I don't need to go into that. This is my blog about my life. And if you want to see who died in the past couple weeks you can look it up yourself. But I will say one was a legend. One was an angel. One did infomercials. One announced

the crackberry...

2009-06-16T10:54:00.000-06:00

I love my new phone! I got a blackberry a month ago and haven't really played with it much. Lucky lucky you, and me! I can now blog from my phone! How amazing is that!? Look at me, being all advanced and futuristic. Best idea ever. The world is a crazy place. I've taken to watching the news lately and I can't believe the things I see. We won't get into it now, but people are stupid and crazy.

the good, the bad, and the whatever.

2009-06-10T22:13:00.005-06:00

We went to the doctor today. Not always the best experience. Tegan will be 18 weeks on Friday, and she is doing everything early. She was born two weeks early, her umbilical chord stump fell off a week early, and now she's doing everything else early too! Babies usually roll over at around six months, but she's been rolling for a couple weeks already. Which means she'll be crawling and

Bad Blogger Mandy!

2009-05-28T10:36:00.002-06:00

So... I've been terrible. I got all excited about writing about my delivery and all that stuff. Then I left an awesome cliffhanger, and then left it hanging for about.... three months. It's kinda like I threw a season finale out there... Grey's was crazy, by the way. Well, season premiere! Here you go. It's not going to be too awesome because the baby is asleep and I'm not sure how long her

Hospitals have amazing ice...

2009-02-14T10:21:00.003-07:00

And our story continues... It was a lot easier to write with out constantly having a baby on my arm... So I apologize for the delay in postings.My mom and I drove home from the doctor's office, which only happens to be a couple blocks from our house. She gave me permission to run home and grab a few things to make my situation a little more comfortable, and maybe some stuff to keep me

"She'll be here by tomorrow morning..."

2009-02-11T14:35:00.004-07:00

I sat in Dr. Smith's office, naked from the waist down with a sheet wrapped around the lower half of my body, just like the last few appointments I have had with her. This was week 38. Two more appointments until my due date... But I was so ready to be done. I had never been in that much pain since before I could remember, and I just wanted it to be over with. I wanted this little person,

38 weeks... Just KIDDING!

2009-02-10T22:49:00.003-07:00

So... I had my baby!I don't have a lot of time to write right now, but I wanted to let people know that she's finally here!Tegan Kaidence Dawn Smith... Born February 6, 2009 at 4:21am at American Fork Hospital. 6 lbs 11 ounces and 19 inches long!I'll write when I get more time... But the whole thing was amazing! You'll just have to settle with pictures for now...Good luck and congrats to my

false alarms and pain pills... joy

2009-01-31T18:02:00.003-07:00

Ow.That's pretty much what it boils down to. I have never been in this much pain, and I'm pretty sure I've said that before. But it's been really bad lately. I can't work anymore. But I'm too scared to not work because I don't want to put them in a bad situation and I really could use the money. But physically? Working is probably one of the worst ideas for me... currently.I left work early

getting kicked in the ribs hurts... even on the inside.

2009-01-25T13:37:00.004-07:00

"It's not that bad, it's not that bad, it's not that bad...."Famous last words, right? I have been in so much pain the past few days. This little girl has been kicking the HELL out of me. If she's not sitting on my bladder, she's playing my ribs like a xylophone, punching my hips, and rubbing the inside of my uterus raw. And she's had a lot of fun crushing my lungs lately too. No joke. Not

thirty-six weeks down... four to go. damn.

2009-01-22T18:38:00.004-07:00

Another week, another baby doctor visit. Which doesn't seem so bad... really. Today, she poked around in my area, did a culture swab for some special bacteria.... I am 75% effaced, and already starting to dilate. But, I could stay that way for a long time... It's getting closer and closer. More appointments every month, means that I'm that much closer to the due date, and that much closer to

glade commercials...

2009-01-10T12:35:00.001-07:00

I have decided that I hate the Glade commercials with that stupid redhead lady that lies to her friends and family over and over again about having Glade products.That's not a candle! It's the smell of the gingerbread cookies that I just pulled out of the package from the store! I pretended to make them myself, and if one tries to talk, I'm going to bite it's head off!Oh, I'm not baking a pie!

word to my mother...

2009-01-10T12:33:00.000-07:00

Things were awesome between my mother and I. I finally felt comfortable staying with her, and I felt like we could be friends. I didn't mind grabbing a pizza with her on our way home from work and watching a movie with her and just hanging out. It was great to finally feel like I had a good relationship with her, considering the circumstances.But, no. You see, I decided that things were great and

this time last year

2009-01-10T12:32:00.002-07:00

So... about this time last year -I was in Floridaworking in a restaurantfalling head over heals in love with my managerspent the holiday with my friendssweating in the humiditymore trusting of other peopleplaying in disney world all the timeand had a crazy amount of freedom and funThis year on the other hand...I'm in Utahworking in a hospitalspent the holiday with my familysingle and

festivus for the rest of us...

2009-01-10T12:32:00.001-07:00

I am so happy to be in Utah for the winter holidays. I missed the snow like crazy, and last year didn't really feel like winter. We've got a good dose of it now, and I wouldn't take it back for the world.The neighborhood roads are like sheets of ice because the HOA is awesome and didn't get the snow taken care of early enough... It's freezing outside, but I don't mind tromping around in the snow

stupid baby daddy drama

2008-12-09T08:25:00.000-07:00

SO....Apparently there are some things that I need to clear up... still. Which is really starting to bug me.I got pregnant in May, about the time I started working at Bad Ass Coffee - still one of the best coffee houses ever, fyi. Pregnancy is 40-41 weeks, or about ten months. No joke. I'm due towards the end of February. The only person I have been with since, like, December is KJ who is the

dreaming of you won't help me to do all that you dreamed i could...

2008-12-09T08:24:00.002-07:00

Okay... So I've already said that I don't know why I keep posting blogs that are like letters to you. I know that you will never read them. Ever. Once upon a time, you used to, but I know that you won't even glance their way again. But here's another one... So here it goes.I had another dream about you last night. Every time you creep into my sleep, your ghost follows me around for at least a

ready or not, here i come...

2008-12-09T08:19:00.002-07:00

I love my job. I don't care about the hours, or that I have to sleep in the back of my mom's car for an hour before my shift starts (hopefully that will change soon... keep your fingers crossed!). I know it's not a super incredible job.... I clean patient rooms, and keep things tidy for the staff. Yeah,

seashell skeleton key...

2008-12-09T08:18:00.000-07:00

So... I don't really understand why I keep posting my thoughts about "us" and what we were and what could never be. It's not like you're going to read them... But the thoughts are still going through my mind, and the dreams are still haunting me. And there's new ones... They are drilled into my head. It's not like the faint ghost mist that you can only capture in pictures, or a faint voice on a

i've already cut the chord...

2008-12-09T08:17:00.000-07:00

Here is what I really think about us and everything that is happening and has happened... It's blunt, and honest. And when I tried this on the phone last night, you didn't listen to anything I said... You kept cutting me off and telling me I was wrong. When I said that the things I say go in one ear and out the other, your only response was "ouch" instead of wanting to understand why I felt that

car crash...

2008-12-09T08:15:00.000-07:00

I'm staring backinto the twisted metalof our car crash romance...my broken bodyis intertwined with yoursand the steel frameof what we once were.Were we reckless?Did we stray from our goal?How did we end up... here?Too fast? Too slow?Maybe it's too late to know now...This image I have that depicts "us"...does it mean "us" will never happen again?Are "we" too damaged...no, too destroyed to ever

the good thing that comes when you're not looking...

2008-12-09T08:13:00.000-07:00

Today has been a pretty good day. This week, actually, has been going rather well. I had an interview for a job, and found out the next day that I totally landed it. I wasn't supposed to find out for another week! It's only housekeeping, but it's for the company I want to be working for and there is a lot of room for me to work my way up. Once I'm done with school, which hopefully won't take

baby girl, it's cold outside...

2008-10-11T13:16:00.002-06:00

The weather has finally developed that delicious bite that I've been craving... It's to the point now, where I can't go outside without a jacket. Jack Frost is bitting at my nose, making it turn a lovely shade of red. Granted, it is getting a little stuffy, and I have terrible headaches, but when I look outside I can't help but smile at the leaves that are changing color and the beautiful snow

darker than coffee

2008-09-29T01:57:00.000-06:00

So... I miss downtown. And it really got me down. It made me feel dark and scared inside. Now I know what I want, where I want to be, where I feel like I belong.... How the hell do I get there?Step one... Get a job. Cool. Easy, right? Not when I'm trying to work in the medical field, and everyone wants experience already. Bull crap. Who wants to hire a single pregnant chick who is going

right where i left it...

2008-09-27T23:36:00.002-06:00

I went to Coffee Break today!Yeah, yeah... People can say whatever they want about that place. But I can promise you, it's not a place I go to be seen. I go there because I went there for years, and I know people there. And if I make the drinks, they taste good.I love downtown... I feel like I took it for granted when I lived there before. This time, I went with my mom and her friend to

30 Things That Change After You Have A Baby

2008-09-16T13:11:00.002-06:00

What changes when you have a baby? A better question may be: What doesn't change? Here, writer and mom Rebecca Woolf lists her most notable post-baby observations. Then scroll down to read our favorite comments from readers about how their babies changed their lives.1. You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms.2. Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find

Spiced Cider

2008-09-16T13:07:00.001-06:00

I am someone that is easily entertained...Simple things in life make me happy. Right now, I'm extremely excited for cold weather. The leaves in the mountains have barely started to change color, and the air barely has a bite to it as the sun begins to set each night. I have never been excited for winter. I have always hated the snow, and Christmas each year seemed to upset me for whatever

cry, burn, build

2008-09-16T13:02:00.002-06:00

Gah.Here we go again.So there is this problem with being pregnant. Well, there's a few problems with being pregnant, but we're only going to talk about one for now. And that one has to deal with emotions.It's not just the fact that I'm pregnant, and crying over really simple things, like a little puppy playing in the yard or someone saying something nice or mean. I'm just really sick of people

supernova

2008-09-09T23:28:00.000-06:00

I snuck out of my house tonight...I guess it really wouldn't be sneaking out because I don't have a curfew, and I stayed in my yard. But the point is, I had to be very quiet in the process of getting in and out. Once I got outside, I was in almost total darkness, and I got to enjoy the silence of night in my neighborhood.The reason I "snuck out"? It was all so I could go outside and see the stars

hurricane mcfrank

2008-08-26T23:33:00.000-06:00

every song i hear reminds me of you.it's not like i need the music. randomly thoughts of you creep into my head. it's been happening more often now, and it gets so bad that i have to stop what i'm doing to try and breathe. it feels like someone is digging a knife into my heart, trying to make it stop beating, and filling my lungs with fluid every time... like i'm seriously drowning.i sit in a

I'm starting to become less dark and twisty...

2008-08-16T19:34:00.001-06:00

"Don't wonder why people go crazy. Wonder why they don't. In face of what we can lose in a day, in an instant, wonder what the hell it is that make us hold it together." - Meredith Grey - Grey's AnatomyI realize that the last blog I posted on here was a little negative... So I'm going to fix that.My life is moving in a positive direction. Yeah, it may be slower than I would like, but at least I

My mom... (I'm venting)

2008-08-11T00:14:00.003-06:00

She is a great lady. She really is. But sometimes she can drive me crazy.Even before I got pregnant we had problems. I feel like she says a lot of things to try and make me feel guilty about the way I live my life or about things that I have done in the past. She tries to put me on guilt trips to make me feel like I am a bad daughter, rather than believe that she was a bad mother. I don't

the magic of love

2008-08-08T12:29:00.003-06:00

Love really is magic. It's fireworks reflected on a lake, and in your lovers eyes. It's laying in a hammock in someones back yard, completely entangled in their arms until it's too cold to handle. It's as simple as a smile or three little words that can make you happy for the rest of the day. It's pulling over on the side of the road to pick a flower, that will later be dried and displayed

we have... a code... black.

2008-07-15T12:52:00.002-06:00

This is a blog that was previously posted on MySpace by me at the beginning of May this year. It explains where I was at with the father of the growing baby in my belly before I knew I was pregnant, and a big deciding factor in going home. It's mostly a rant, so be careful. And it's totally uncensored. So... Yeah. Good reading.I do not like being told that I am wrong....It's not that I'm

here i am...

2008-07-15T11:59:00.004-06:00

It's been a long time since I have felt free enough to start putting my thoughts down into an actual visual format. And man, writing that first sentence felt amazing.Here I am. Back in Utah. And I think about my life up to this point, and can't believe what got me here. I have fallen in love, fallen in love again, and possibly again, and then fallen out of it. I've been cheated on, mislead,